The Funny Business of Marriage

Goodevening People,

I had written this article a long time back. It deals with the matrimony business of our society. It has been liked by quite a few people, so I thought of sharing it with you guys! Hope you like it.

The Funny Business of Marriage

I have turned 24 recently and now in the line of fire to get married, I have noticed a few notions about how marriage industry works in India. Whenever I go for any social gathering, the questions frequently asked to my MOM is about marriage. My marriage. HA!.

Lets take a minute and pray for all the girls out there whose parents or annoying relatives are constantly pestering them to search a good guy and get married.

The market of marriage :

A girl turns 19: Start searching  a guy for her.

Age 23-25 Ripe age.

Age 25—Band,Baja,Baraat.

As soon as the girl reaches the right age,their parents start looking for a “good” guy.

Definition of  a “good” guy:

Rich, runs a business, soon to bald, pot bellied, probably 5 years elder than the girl. Someone who will be stuffed and stuffed with food because their mother’s feel that they haven’t fed their son(babyyy) enough. The awesome part is if a girl doesn’t get married by the age of 25, the aunties (annoying ones) will start gossiping about the  girl’s character, the main line being, “there must be something wrong with the girl” or “Is she having an affair with someone?” (affair also known as chakkar in India).

Really aunties!! Which world are we living in? Stone age? Get a life  aunty (or any relative who talks crap) and get your waistline in check. Also see how your husband is drooling over young girls at parties because your foundation doesn’t work anymore.[Take that you AauntyJee!]. And you uncleji,  paan chewing,pot bellied monster of a human. Keep your wife’s mouth shut and keep her mouth where It should be. [;)].

Why can’t girls marry at the age they want, when They like.  Do the same aunties or uncles  talk when their daughters or sons don’t get a suitable husband/wife? So what happens when their sons/daughter like someone beyond their social status? “The guy is great, they say (Translation: Bank Balance is good).

Now, comes the part where parents will show off their daughters to the world. They will brag about her studies, how “homely” she is.

Homely :- Knows how to cook, can manage the house, should have awesome abilities to juggle between in-laws, husband, kids and job.

Demands from the groom’s side: Ladki sundar, susheel ,sanskari honi chahiye.

Sundar : Girl should be fair, slim, tall.

Susheel: Girl should know all the household work.

Sanskari: Can’t define. What if a girl listens to rock songs, head bangs and knows all the bhajans and respects elders “But” SHE smokes and drinks occasionally.. Can she be called sanskari?

Oh! So we are living in the 21st century? I just didn’t realize. Why doesn’t a girl’s family ever ask If the guy is sundar and susheel or sanskari?  Who woudn’t want to marry a tall, dark and handsome man. Add some cooking skills and voila! He’s perfect. But NO. A girl’s family will never ask this.

Now even if the girl does get married. After 1 year of marriage. Probably the girl’s mother-in-law or granny-in-law will start pestering the couple for a kid. It doesn’t matter if the couple is well settled or not ready, they just want the girl to start reproducing healthy kids(and STILL PREVALENT in many cases, a boy).

Now now, the age of 27 and still unmarried. What should the parents do? Oh, here’s what they do.

Pooja, Pandit, Mantra-tantra, ladki ke dosh hatao, change the godamn kundli. Whichever guy(bakra) is next, change the kundli according to the one that matches his. Bas Karado ladki ki shaadi. It doesn’t matter if the girl likes the guy or not. You are 27 , you don’t have an option now!

Final note:

Dear Parents, relatives and the nose poking aunty,uncles.

We will get married. When the time is right. If not love, definitely arranged. Please don’t pressure us. We love you. Really. And its okay to marry late as long as we get the right partner.

Also, I am 23, jobless, Don’t know how to cook, DEFINITELY not susheel.

P.S My future mom-in-law, If u ever read this…..!!…If…!… (MY mom read this and she really disapproves ;) ).


Ragini Varma ;)

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